Tag Archives: strenght

Day 6


Day 6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Honestly.. I’ve been trying to figure this out for myself for a long while.

It definitely didn’t come from childhood. My mother spanked me maybe twice in my life… My dad even less. Corporal punishment was never a thing in my house growing up. It was mostly “go to your room” which ended in me sitting in a corner happily reading a book.

I don’t know where it came from… My parents shared domestic duties. My mother taught me how to bake, my father taught me how to cook. I was raised in a house that preached gender equality and an even playing field for all… and yet the root of my BDSM relationships is the desire to submit. To please another. To jump when they say jump, knowing how high they want me jumping and instead say “for how long, Sir?” I have in me something that needs to please and be pleasing… It varies and changes from partner to partner, the amount I submit and how that submission appears, but that need never goes away…

Your guess is as good as mine on where it came from.

As for it being a “relationship management too” or a “sexual thrill”… Eh…

Do I enjoy D/s relationships? Yes. But my submission is a part of me.. not some tool to keep relationships on track. As for it being a sexual thrill?

… Do you really think I would have this blog if I didn’t like kinky sex?

Not just kinky sex. Hand wrapped around my throat while fucking me like you’re ready to rip me in two sex. I like that. I also like spanking my ass a bright red before taking it sex, and hair pulling, biting, scratching foreplay before frantic fucking sex.

…But I also love gentleness. I love head kisses and cuddles..and tender touches that make me feel incredible cherished. I love that safe, satisfying feeling of curling up in his arms and feeling every last muscle in my body finally relax. That underlying sweetness that comes with submission… Yes, you will be used, you will feel pain for both your own pleasure and for the person you belonged to… but aftercare is a thing. Tender moments between scenes are also a thing.. and for me, that’s the glue of a D/s relationship. Otherwise… It’s not a relationship. I’m play partners with someone. I let them do things to me, fuck me, push me…and then when the emotional, squishy feels come out they aren’t there. A relationship means the squishy feely parts too.

Day six done, twenty four to go.

As always.. I am his đŸ˜› but also yours.



I am struggling with the creative side of myself right now. I have been for a while.

I feel like I’m stuck in a fog whenever I try to work.. on anything. Getting myself up and motivated is a struggle. I’ll wake up early and watch the hours pass by in bed until I absolutely HAVE to go to work.

I hate this.. and the thing is? My life isn’t half bad.

I still have adventures to write about from Fusion. I’ve started six or seven drafts and haven’t manage to finish a single one. Even now when I’m writing my fingers feel like lead..  The temptation to close the computer screen and just walk away from the entry again is great.

I don’t know what caused this. But I am trying to fix it.

The people around me are driven creatively. They work hard for all they are able to do. They continually have projects to fiddle and tinker with. I’m trying to figure out where all of my projects went. Where this fog came from..and how I didn’t notice it until it was this bad.

Whenever I’ve been bothered by the Sleeping Man in the past it’s been with good reason. I’ve been going through a rough patch, in an unhappy relationship, stressed about money and making it by, etc.. And I’m not dealing with that right now. My relationship is good. My life is pretty good.

It could be better… it’s just getting myself moving again. Pulling myself out of the fog.

I have an idea.. the first for a sculpture in a long time.. Hopefully I will work on it tonight after work.. And I PROMISE I will get back to writing in here more frequently.

Because the thing is, while other parts of my life are okay the kinky side of things is GREAT. And I want to squee and spew about it.. But every time I try lead fingers happen.

I’ve got to get myself out of this fog.

Yours, as always,